Still Here. Still Showing Up. An Honest Update on My Heart Journey

Some days, I feel like I’m running on fumes. Lately, more and more of those days have started to string together.

The symptoms from my bicuspid aortic valve (BAV) are getting worse. I’m exhausted all the time—physically more than anything, but also a bit mentally and emotionally. Right now the biggest and most important part of my day is that I need a 60 to 90-minute nap mid-day, just to function in the evenings.

And yet… I still move. I can’t do any cardio anymore, no jiu jitsu, no kickboxing, no hockey, but at least I’m still doing some weight training, but I’m only lifting about 1/3 of the weight I used to lift. Some days, it’s just mobility work with the kids. Other days, it’s 15 boring minutes on the assault bike in the 0 HR zone, and that kicks my ass harder than it should. But movement helps me remember that I’m still here. Still capable. Still working. Even if it’s not what I’m used to… it’s still something. And right now, something is everything.

I’ve completed a lot of the pre-op requirements—medical clearances, bloodwork, and even a full dental visit (because oral health is a big factor before valve surgery), but I still have to get another X-Ray and another ECG, which who knows how long that will take… which means I’m waiting for a confirmed date. It’s still expected to be the end of May.

Honestly, if I didn’t have something important coming up at the beginning of May, I’d probably be pushing for a quicker date. I can feel this heart condition progressing quickly. It seems to be kicking my ass a bit more every day. But the timing gives me something I truly need—one last chance to be part of something bigger before I hit pause for a little while.

On the weekend of May 8, I’ll be in Toronto with Team NWT for the WAKO National Kickboxing Championships. Zach will be competing and I’m incredibly proud to be right there with him. We’ve got a strong team, and a real shot at the podium. As assistant coach and team manager, I’ve watched these athletes grow and put in the work day after day and I’m really looking forward to watching them all compete on the National stage! But for me, this weekend is about more than medals—it’s about showing up for our kids, our athletes, and our territory. I’m proud to stand in their corner, and especially proud to stand in Zach’s.

This weekend is more than a distraction—it’s a lifeline. A few days to feel normal.

That matters right now. Because not being able to train like I used to is one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. My identity has always been tied to movement—kicking and punching things, choking people out, lifting heavy, pushing hard, showing others what their bodies are capable of. And now? Back-to-back workouts wreck me. It takes days to recover. And when I push through anyway, it’s not about ego—it’s about survival. My body might not be as strong right now, but I don’t want to lose everything before surgery.

This is the fight before the fight. I need movement for my mental health. I need it to stay connected to myself. To keep some structure. To remind myself I’m still here.

And I’ve said this before, but I’ll keep saying it: there’s a big difference between being slowed down and giving up. One is a challenge. The other is a choice.

I choose to keep going.

Thanks for sticking with me through this. I’ll update you all when the surgery date is confirmed. Until then—I’ll keep moving forward. One step, one nap, one little lift at a time.